The best dirty jokes

What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, IT, phone
Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
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has 44.47 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, flirt, sex
Knock Knock. Who's There? Justin. Justin who? Your justin time to wipe my ass!
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has 44.07 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: dirty, knock-knock, sex
A willy is like a tree in your 20's its like a rock hard oak. In your 30's & 40's its like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After your 50's its like a xmas tree, dead from the roots up & the balls are just there for decoration.
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has 44.00 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
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has 43.61 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, doctor, women
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
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has 43.60 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: dirty
North America, few hundred years ago. An indian is sitting, smokes a pipe. Breathes in, breathes out. His son comes up to him: Daddy, I have a question Well, what is it? Why do we have such long names? Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar. Our names come from nature. When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew. When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset. So that why she got the name Red Sunset. So, do you have any more questions, Fucking Bison?
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has 43.58 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
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has 43.52 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, doctor, medical, sex
I'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
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has 43.51 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex, weather
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
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has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, life, men
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