My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.
There was a guy and he went to the doctor and he showed the doctor his dick. He asked why it was orange and the doctor replyed: Have you been doing anything unusual? And he said: No. So the doctor ran so tests then he sent the guy home told him to come back in 2 weeks. So he did and it was even oranger so once again the doctor asked: Have you been doing anything at all unusual? And the guy said: Well about 2 weeks ago I was watching porno and eating a bag of crunchy cheetos.
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: With four skin-divers.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.