Q: What's brown and taps on the window? A: A baby in a microwave!
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
What's grosser than gross? Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. What's grosser than that? Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar. What's grosser than that? When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face. You want to know what's grosser than that? When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner. But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup? Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A: Gulp.
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.