Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder! 
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Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After 10 years the job still sucks.
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"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."
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How do you make a woman scream twice in the bedroom?
Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on the curtains.
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Q: How do you recycle a condom?
A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
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A guy walks into a store.
He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand.
In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap.
He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
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Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?
A: He drowned in his own tea pe
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Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths?
A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
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