How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
Imagine, there are on the bus only 5 persons: A busman, an old woman, two younger women and one man. The old woman comes to the busman and tells him: "Dear busman, would you like to eat a few hazelnuts?" The busman says: "Yes, why not?" He takes the hazelnuts from her hand and eats them. This repeats even two times, but when the old woman offers other hazelnuts to the busman for the fourth time, the busman asks this old woman: "Madame, where do you take all these hazelnuts from? It is a real amount and I am already full." The old woman only says: "You know, dear busman, I have bought the chocolate with hazelnuts, the hazelnuts are very hard for my dental plate, so I have sucked them all out, brought it to you and you have already eaten them all."
What's the difference between a leprechaun and gonorrhea? One's a cunning runt.
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."