What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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Q: How can you tell if you have an overbite?
A: When you're eating p**sy and it tastes like sh*t.
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Two hunters are stalking through the forest when one says to the other that he has to take a dump.
"Well, go in the bushes."
"What should I use to wipe my ass?"
"Use a dollar bill."
A few minutes later the hunter steps out of the bushes with s**t all over his hands.
"What happened?" asks his friend.
"I didn't have a dollar bill, so I used four quarters."
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What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?
I'll see you next period.
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What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs.
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This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$.
He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally.
As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!"
Sally scoots out of the room.
Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again.
"What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!"
Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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There was an old married couple who love each other very much.
But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him.
The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop."
Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind.
She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while.
Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."