At a rally John McCain was asked if he wore boxers or briefs. He replied, "Depends."
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda." The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'" "No," the guy says. "My farts do." So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist." The guy says, "Why a dentist?" The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth." The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?" The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
what is the diffrent between a chicken and a prostute chicken goes cockadoodle do prostute goes any cock will do.
What do you get when you eat a prune pizza? Pizzeria!
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen