The best disgusting jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.
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has 50.14 % from 172 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, disgusting
This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, money, sex
Once upon a time there were these two bums walking down the railroad tracks, and the first bum, Fred, thought he smelled a nasty old smell. He asked his companion, Jeff, ''Did you s**t your pants?'' "Hell no," Jeff said. They walked a few more miles and the smell got worse. "Did you s**t your pants, Jeff?" "I swear to the God almighty I did not s**t my pants," Jeff said. So they walk three more miles and the smell gets just horrible. Fred runs over and pulls down Jeff's pants and says, "I thought you said you didn't s**t your pants?!" "I didn't." Jeff said. "They're your pants."
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
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has 49.93 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, disgusting
One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said. Adam looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children." Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time." Then, God came to Eve to pass on some news too. "I've got some good news and some bad news," God said. Eve looked at God and said, "Well, give me the good news first." Smiling, God explained, "I've got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things and have intelligent conversations with Adam. The other organ I have for you is called a vagina. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Adam will be very happy that you now have this organ to give him children." Eve, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?" God looked upon Eve and said with great sorrow, "The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time. While you're bleeding through one of them every 28 days, the other will remain useless."
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has 49.86 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god, kids
A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get naked and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together. Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared. "What happened?" asks his bride. "I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urine!"
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, holiday
Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth? A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive? A brown Probe!
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: car, disgusting
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, school
Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea? A: He drowned in his own tea pe
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, drunk
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