Q: What's brown and in the military? A: Gomer's pile.
Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.
Why are contipated folks unkind and rude? Cause they don't give a crap!
Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef? A: Anyone can roast beef.