The best disgusting jokes

A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit one of his buddies. As he is walking out he notices a guy pretending to be swinging a hockey stick. Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?" The guy replies: "I'm Wayne Gretzky, and I'm practicing my shot." Satisfied with the answer the visitor moves on down the hall. He notices another guy pretending to be playing golf. Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?" The guy replies: "I'm Tiger woods and I'm practicing my golf." Satisfied with this response the visitor again moves on down the hall. He then sees another guy sitting in a chair in the nude with a jar of peanuts beside him. This guy takes a peanut, places it on his dick, waits a minute, then flicks into his mouth. Again, curious he asks: "What are you doing?" The guy replies: "I'M FUCKING NUTS!"
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, ugly, Yo mama
A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, disgusting, mechanic
What's grosser than gross? Two vampires fighting over a bloody tampon. What's grosser than that? Finding a used condom on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar. What's grosser than that? When you open the refigerator and the rump rost farts in your face. You want to know what's grosser than that? When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a boner. But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a boner.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, work
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dating, disgusting
Cannibal Son: Mom, I don't like my brother anymore. Cannibal Mother: You shut up and eat!
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, family, food
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god
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