Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup? Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Another name for a vagina is a cockpit
A guy admired the hair of three girls. He walked by one and asked, "How'd you get such lovely blonde hair" Taking her hand and gently running it through her hair, the girl answered, "It's natural." The guy walked by the second girl and asked, "How'd you get such pretty brown hair?" Fluffing her hair, the second girl said, "It's natural." Finally the guy approached the third girl and asked, "How'd you get such cool green hair?" Taking her hand and rubbing it up past her nose, then skimming it through the hair, she said, "It's natural."
3 bums were outside a bar. The first one went in and asked for a fork. The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious. "How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?" "Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.