Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen
What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
A guy says, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I fart, it sounds like, "Honda." The doctor says, "You say, 'Honda?'" "No," the guy says. "My farts do." So, the doctor says, "OK, open your mouth," and looks inside. After about two minutes, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, I can't help you, you need to go see a dentist." The guy says, "Why a dentist?" The doctor says, "Because you have an absessed tooth." The guy says, "What the hell does that have to do with my condition?" The doctor says, "Well, didn't you know? Absess makes the farts go Honda!"
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses. Which hits the ground first? The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.