Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit one of his buddies.
As he is walking out he notices a guy pretending to be swinging a hockey stick.
Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'm Wayne Gretzky, and I'm practicing my shot."
Satisfied with the answer the visitor moves on down the hall.
He notices another guy pretending to be playing golf.
Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'm Tiger woods and I'm practicing my golf."
Satisfied with this response the visitor again moves on down the hall.
He then sees another guy sitting in a chair in the nude with a jar of peanuts beside him.
This guy takes a peanut, places it on his dick, waits a minute, then flicks into his mouth.
Again, curious he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'M FUCKING NUTS!"
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Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
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Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder!
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Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.
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Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
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What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence.
She warns him that he'll fart his guts out.
One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence.
The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom.
Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"
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Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?
Cause they don't give a crap!
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What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
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