Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder! 
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Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.
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A blonde buys a used sports car.
However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop.
The blonde calls a tow truck.
The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again.
"What was the matter?" she asks.
"Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies.
Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"
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What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag?
1 dead baby in 10 bags.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Why are contipated folks unkind and rude?
Cause they don't give a crap!
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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.
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"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
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Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony?
A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
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