"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.
A guy sees a classified ad that says "Will give Blow Job while singing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time." The guys thinks to himself that it sounds interesting and unbelievable, and so decides to pay her a visit. She lets him in and says that the lights have to be off. So she turns the light off and starts sucking his dick. All of a sudden he hears the Star Spangled Banner, clear as day. He really wants to know how she is doing this so he flips on the lights. All he sees on the floor is a glass eye.
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.
Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A: Gulp.