What's grosser than gross? When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. What's grosser than that? When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't? A: A belly button between her boobs.
What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!
What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
There was a man who just got out of the army. He was really horny and only had $5, so he went to a whore house. He told the women, "Gimme anything you got." So then he is having sex with this women and says "Gosh, you're really rough inside." She says "Hold on" and she goes to the bathroom. 10 minutes later she comes back and they start to do it again. He says "Now you're really smooth. What happened?" She says, "I picked off all the scabs."