Q: Why are men like diapers? A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?" "Sure, why do you ask." "I was going to offer you some toast." "How kind of... I'll accept." "Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger." "You're right about that!" "Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
What do gays call hemorrhoids ? Speed bumps.
What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.