Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't? A: A belly button between her boobs.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
Q: How do you eat a frog? A: You put one leg behind each ear.
What's grosser than gross? When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. What's grosser than that? When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.