What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay? A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!