What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend? A: He wiped.
Q: What do women and cats have in common? A: Pussy farts.
A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads? So you can pick them up five at a time
What's small, and red, and full of holes? A baby on a bed of nails.
Your fart's so loud, astronauts in space mistook your fart for a message from Houston!
What's funner then nailing bin Laden to a tree? Feeding his lifeless corpse into a meat grinder.