Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
A lady goes to the doctor, and says: "Doc, I have this smell about me that I can't get rid of no matter what I do. Can you help me?" The doctor says, "yeah I can help you but I'll have to examine you. You'll have to take all your clothes off first." So the lady takes her clothes off. Right away the doctor says, "hold on, I'll be right back." A couple minutes later he comes back with an 8-foot stick that has a little hook on the end of it. The lady says, "oh doctor, what str going to do with that?" And the doctor says, as he's going through the movements of opening a high window, "well I'm going to open the window, it smells like shit in here."
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.