Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Bob: "Hey, Sue, why is there a tampon hanging out of your mouth?" Sue: "Oh my God. What did I do with my cigarette?"
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
How do you make a dead baby float? Take your foot off of it’s head.
Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse? He got a twat in the face.
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!