The best drug jokes

Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: drug, stupid, work, Yo mama
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: drug, political, weed
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
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has 58.42 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?" "Heroin" "But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange." "This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
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has 57.49 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, drug, kids
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
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has 55.20 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: blonde, drug, money, tax
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, drug, old people
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, wife
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
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