Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?" "Heroin" "But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange." "This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.
A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."