The best drug jokes

Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?" Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine." Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this." Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, health, memory, old people
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, life
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Chuck Norris once ate a whole bucket of sleepng pills and it managed to make him yawn.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: blonde, drug, money, tax
After some time I saw my doctor and he prescribed me a receipt, but he had prescribed me this receipt in the name of his mother Mrs. Ingrid, by mistake. I didn´t notice it, took this receipt, went to the drug-store, gave the receipt to the pharmacist together with the insurance card with the name John on it. The pharmacist took a look at me and has told me: "Dear, Mrs. Ingrid the name on the receipt doesn´t correspond with the name on the insurance card."
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
A patient: "Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal." Doctor: "Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit." (After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines). Doctor: "Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, food, life
Cocaine is Addicted to Chuck Norris.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
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has 54.56 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
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