The best drug jokes

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
Vote: has 58.58 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Vote: has 58.26 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, life
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Vote: has 53.10 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Vote: has 51.67 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, doctor, drug, old people
An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!" "Sorry, we are sold out..."
Vote: has 50.00 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, sex, Valentines day
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, drug, wife
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"
Vote: has 46.20 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Vote: has 43.21 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, disgusting, drug
What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.
Vote: has 37.11 % from 159 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, drug