The best drug jokes

Yo' Mama is so stupid, she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: drug, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: drug, health, life
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
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has 63.74 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, drug, travel
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
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has 62.10 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed, Yo mama
Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? A: HIGH-Definition.
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: communication, drug
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
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has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The girl behind the counter says, “What size?” He says, “I don’t know.” She hold up a finger and says, “That big?” He says, “Bigger.” She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?” He says, “Smaller?” She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.” She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”
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has 59.88 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug
Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sex? They're called "Predickamints".
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has 58.48 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: drug, sex