The best drug jokes

The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Vote: has 64.72 % from 36 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, drug, phone
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
Vote: has 63.75 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Vote: has 62.88 % from 153 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, sex
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drug, life
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, drug, kids
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?" "Heroin" "But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange." "This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
Vote: has 61.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, drug, kids
Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
Cocaine is Addicted to Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Vote: has 60.73 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
I like my women the same as I like my whiskey ... 20 years old and mixed up with coke !
Vote: has 59.80 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, drug, women