A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?" "Heroin" "But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange." "This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? A: HIGH-Definition.
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"