Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Doctor (to an absent-minded patient): "What is wrong with you?"
Patient: "I am losing my memory. Please prescribe some medicine."
Doctor (Handing him the prescription after a while): "Here, Take this."
Patient: "Why are you giving me this prescription? I am perfectly all right."
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway.
When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?"
The driver said "I blew my tranny."
The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you.
Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Ewoks were just Homeless Care Bears on drugs.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.