The best drug jokes

A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: beer, drug, kids
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: doctor, drug, life
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: beauty, drug, lawyer, wife
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she asked if her drug test was multiple choice.
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has 62.44 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: drug, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
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has 62.40 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
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has 62.30 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed, Yo mama
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drug, health, life
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, stupid, Yo mama
Q: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? A: HIGH-Definition.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, drug
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: drug, weed