The best drug jokes

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Vote: has 63.10 % from 154 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drug, sex
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
Vote: has 63.00 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop, drug, travel
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?" The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, drug, life
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, drug, weed
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Vote: has 61.96 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Vote: has 61.63 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, drug, kids
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs. Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder. They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?" "Heroin" "But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange." "This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
Vote: has 61.50 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, cop, drug, kids
Charlie Sheen can achieve recovery by taking a drug called Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
Cocaine is Addicted to Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 61.28 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, drug
A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk. "What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging." "Tax," replies the clerk. "Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, drug, money, tax