If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor.
Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more.
Well take these pills every day and come back in a week.
Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well!
Oh very well , now about your hearing...
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A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"
"Yeah, so?" said the officer.
"Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"
Chuck Norris doesn't do cocaine.
Cocaine does Chuck Norris.
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An evening of Valentine's Day.
A man comes to a drug store: "Good evening!"
"Sorry, we are sold out..."
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There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!
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A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving.
The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?"
The drunk man, "What drugs?"
Charlie Sheen is a drug, it will melt your face and kill you.
Chuck Norris had two 8-Balls of Sheen and is now suing for false advertising.
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Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles?
A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers.
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