Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
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Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.
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Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.
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It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
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Chuck Norris' pager is still cool.
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Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night.
He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door.
An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way.
Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either.
The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return.
Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes.
"What's wrong?" asked Johnny.
"Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."
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Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.
Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."