Joke #8665

Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.

Chuck Norris can make you laugh at your own funeral.

Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."

Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.

It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured. It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.

Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.

A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."

A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.

Note to self: Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.