You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm? A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!