The best Halloween jokes

There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."
Vote: has 71.25 % from 32 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: couple, disgusting, Halloween, old people
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
Vote: has 70.84 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, Halloween
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Halloween, life, mean, travel, work
You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Vote: has 68.73 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, Halloween, redneck, wife
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
Vote: has 68.56 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Halloween, time, ugly, Yo mama
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bird, Halloween, technology
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Vote: has 67.68 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, Halloween, kids, mean, men
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Vote: has 67.10 % from 50 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
Vote: has 65.80 % from 30 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, celebrity, Halloween
On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: Chuck Norris, Halloween


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