You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons?
A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
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Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music!
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween.
The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot.
The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.
Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
A: Tweets!
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It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!