You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!
I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight. It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.
Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm? A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!