A rather obese man is very excited about his new job and wants to start work immediately. However, when he sits down at his computer, the only program installed was spreadsheets. Confused, the man calls over his boss and asks:"Why there is only excel installed on this computer?" His boss replies, "It was the only program in your size!"
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning. Compiles... See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles... See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Caller: Hey, can you help me? My computer has locked up, and no matter how many times I type eleven, it won’t unfreeze. Agent: What do you mean, “type eleven?” Caller: The message on my screen says, “Error Type 11!”
What do you call a Scottish iPhone? An AyePhone.
Knock knock! Who's there? Yah! Yah who? Naaah, bro, I prefer google.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
Why did the computer get cold? Because it forgot to close windows.
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."