Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common?
A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
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On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
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A guy tells his friends:
The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
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Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just declare darkness the standard!
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What do you call a Scottish iPhone?
An AyePhone.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem.
Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space.
They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass.
Russia used a pencil.
A foo walks into a bar, takes a look around and says: "Hello world!"
Q: What deodorant do SEO consultants wear?
A: Lynx
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