Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case.
What's a rabbits favorite song? "Hoppy Birthday to You."
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?" "Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence. Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?" Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish." Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?" Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Q: What is a crowbar? A: A place were crows go to get a drink!
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater? A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny.
How are skunks able to avoid danger? By using their instinks and common scents.
A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?” He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.