Chuck Norris. Well thats all you need to know.
People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.
Most kids pee their name into snow... Chuck Norris pisses his in concreate...
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
Chuck Norris got a flame and froze it.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris only mast*rbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knows who let the dogs out.
Chuck Norris doesn't need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.
Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...