Chuck Norris won the gold, silver and bronze medals at the Olympics. In the same event. From home.
Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
Chuck Norris sleeps until he tells the sun to get up.
When Chuck Norris logged in to WoW, everyone logged out.
Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris found Nemo with his eyes closed.