Joke #1453

Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal

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I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, travel, women
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
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has 52.31 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked: "What are you up to there, Nancy?" "My goldfish died", replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied: "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
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has 71.39 % from 174 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death, fish, little Johnny
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool.
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone?  She thought children should be seen and not herded!
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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has 67.78 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, friendship
A dog goes into a job centre and asks for employment. ‘Wow, a talking dog,’ says the clerk. ‘With your talent I’m sure we can find you a job at the circus.’ ‘The circus?’ says the dog. ‘What does a circus want with a plumber?’
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt. This happened to him more times than he could count. He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss. He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. He would sneeze just as the buck came into range. He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies. "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, hunting, work