Why can’t elephants go on the beach?
Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
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What did the idiot call his pet zebra?
Spot!
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch!"
He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"
What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.