Why can’t elephants go on the beach? Because they can’t keep there trunks up.
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
Q: What do you call a chilly dog sitting on bunny? A: A Cold dog on a bun.
"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg." "Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?" "Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
Chuck Norris can mess with the bull without getting the horns.
When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Q: What do you call a naked deer? A: Buck naked!
What's green and red? A very mad frog.
Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.