If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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A cop once pulled Chuck Norris over...Luckily, the cop left only with a warning.
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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The cops pulled Chuck Norris over for going 55 miles per hour on the freeway.
But since he wasn't in a car, they had to give him a ticket for jaywalking.
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How much white out does Chuck Norris use?
Don't be silly - Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.
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This guy calls his wife at work and says, "Don't worry, I'm fine and the damage is minimal."
She says, "Oh my gosh, what happened?"
He says, "I was coming back from lunch and a bird hit my car windshield."
"How much damage did it do?" she asked.
"Minimal, however I did get a ticket."
"A ticket how did you get that?"
"Well, I managed to reach the bird through the window and throw it behind me, however it hit the windshield of the car behind me.
It was a highway patrol car and the officer gave me a ticket."
"What for?" she asked, "Damaging his windshield?"
"No, for flipping him the bird!"
The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming.
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Chuck Norris once won a Poker tournament using only Pokemon cards.
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One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
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According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.
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The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific.
The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking?
You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm?
That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?