Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
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When Chuck Norris says 'Candyman' five times in a row, no one appears.
Candyman ain't stupid.
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Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes.
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Chuck Norris can make a stop sign say go.
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Chuck Norris always has s*x on the bottom.
Because he never f*cks up.
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Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
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Chuck Norris tried to shave with Darth Vaders's light saber, but the light went out as soon as it realized Chuck Norris was there.
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Chuck Norris can drive a car without gas... or an engine.
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Chuck Norris does not get parking tickets;
he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
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Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
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Chuck Norris once gave a fire hydrant a ticket for being next to his parked car.
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