"May I buy half a rabbit?"
"No, we don't split hares."
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Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up.
The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!"
"I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no I-Deer.
Two guys meet:
"Where were you lost my friend? says one of them."
"Well, I took my kids to the zoo..."
"And what kind of animals did you see there?"
"The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...”
"Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”!
"Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"
Q: What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A: A snake in the brass.
One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps.
Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ''Mother, what's that black thing that you're carrying under your dress?''
''Don't worry, Bill, it's just a squirrel,'' she said.
So little Bill kept on playing, and soon his grandmother came along, also without underwear, and little Bill looked up and said, ''Grammie what is that hairy animal under your dress?''
''Ah, it's a squirrel,'' she answered.
So little Bill asked his grandmother, ''Why is it that your squirrel is grey intead of black?''
The grandmother replied, ''If your mother's squirrel had popped the nuts that this one has popped, it would be gray too.''
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda?
A berry bubbly bunny.
What band is a cow favorite?
Moody Blues.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep with a teddy bear.
He sleeps with a real bear.
Vote:
A old snake goes to see his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.
Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"