"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said, "Your fly is undone." The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again, "Your pants have a slit back." The man blushed still more and tried to cover his ass with a hand. "Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease. The man bent down to tie his shoelaces. "Farted! ... You little fart", the parrot yelled. The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said, "Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
A rattle snake bit Chuck Norris in the leg and the snake died instantly!
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
Why did the frog walk across the road? He didn't... he jumped.
What happened to the lost cattle? Nobody's herd.
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus? On squid row.
I love my cat. My cat does not care.
Teacher: "Name five things that contain milk." Pupil: "Butter, cheese, ice cream … and two cows."