Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing not more than fifty feet from them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes. Then, as the bear slowly approached them, he furiously attempted to lace them up. The second man, somewhat confused, looked at the first man and said, "Whaddya doing? Running shoes ain’t gonna help! You can't outrun that there bear!" "I don't need to outrun the bear, buddy," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
What do you call a rabbit who is real cool? A hip hopper.
How could the dolphin afford to buy a house? He prawned everything.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it...
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because, if it had 4 doors it would be chicken sedan.
The male worm towards the female worm: Baby, if you don’t take me as you’re husband, I’m throwing myself to the chickens!
How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.