Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs.
They come on when HE wants them to.
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Guns sleep with a picture of Chuck Norris under their pillows.
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If Chuck were in the movie Nightmare On Elm Street then it would be renamed nightmare on Chuck Norris Street, cuz nobody dared to get near him.
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Chuck Norris passed a kidney stone once.
That stone is now known as The Death Star.
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Hurricane Katrina wasn't the weather... it was the wind of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick from Texas to Louisiana.
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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
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Not only CAN Chuck have his cake and eat it too, he WILL.
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Chuck Norris shot an arrow down with an apple.
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When Chuck Norris was 12 years old, he mauled a pit bull.
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Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth.
The next day he won the lottery.
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A lion once put his head inside the mouth of Chuck Norris.
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