Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
Chuck Norris isn't appropriate... appropriate isn't Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris traveled around the world in 60 milliseconds.
The entire movie of "Anaconda" was recorded inside Chuck Norris' pants.
Bill Gates lives in fear Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.
Even though Chuck Norris' lives in Dallas, Texas, his house still has spectacular views of both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Chuck Norris could catch that damn acorn in those ICE AGE movies!
Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.