How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."
A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!" "No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead."
Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world? It has 4 rabbits feet.
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head. The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’ ‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’ ‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman. ‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
Q: Where did the newlywed horses stay? A: In the bridle suite.
"My friend is nuts. He thinks he's Bugs Bunny. But I m positive he isn't." "How do you know he isn t?" "Because I am."
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven.
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow? He wanted rich milk.
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.