Joke #10486

How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts.

Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.

Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?" The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue." The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo." "Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. "Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo." "Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife? He was an aunteater.

What kind of money do polar bears use? Ice lolly.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.

Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream.