Joke #3413

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."

If you crossed a cow with a goat, what would you get? Half and half.

Using a novelty invisible dog leash and collar Chuck Norris won the Westminster Dog Show.

Spider: Why are you terrified by me? Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.

Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes? In a pellet court!

A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair. An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?" And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."

A zebra has wondered his whole life whether he was a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. When he dies and goes to heaven he asks God the question "Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" God responds, "You are what you are" The zebra goes to his friends and tells them what God had said and that he still doesn't know the answer to his question. One of his friends says, "Well, that means you are a white zebra with black stripes" The zebra asks him why and the friend says, "Because otherwise God would have said 'You is what you is'"

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

What do you call a rabbit that plays with foxes? A dumb bunny.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.