What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
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Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.
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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Why did the spider buy a car?
So he could take it out for a spin!
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
A family is driving in their car on a holiday.
A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.
He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.
Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.
Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.
Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car.
The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.
The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area."
Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.
Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.
The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog?"
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.