What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
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Why did the whale like the diver?
Because he had flippers.
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
How are tigers like sergeants in the army?
They both wear stripes.
A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded.
One day a woman knocked at his door.
“Is that your big dog outside?”
Wondering how she had got past him he said: “Yes why?”
She said "I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!”
“What?” Roared the man “What kind of dog have you got?”
“A Peke” Replied the woman.
“A Peke? How could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?”
“I think it got stuck in his throat!” replied the woman.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?
A:Because they can.
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat.
The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo.
The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again.
He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.