Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?
A: Hold a tupperware party!
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What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow?
A tail pail.
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Vote:
What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Mooney.
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Spider: Why are you terrified by me?
Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.
A city child came running into the farmhouse.
“No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled.
“There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
Which rabbit is a famous comedian?
Bob Hop.
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said, "Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said, "No...it's inside your damn cat!"
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
A Hot Cross bunny.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening.
One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?'
The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.'
The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?'
The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'.
All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."