Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?
A: Hold a tupperware party!
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Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one
What a HippoCrip.
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Your mom's so dumb, she threw the dog and told the stick to fetch!
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
Deviled eggs.
What do you call a dinosaur with magic powers?
Tyrannosaurus Hex.
What do you get when you cross a bumble bee with a rabbit?
A honey bunny.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"