Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement? A: Hold a tupperware party!
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!
What is a moo hoo for the bucket that goes at the back end of the cow? A tail pail.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
Q. What's green and red? A. A very mad frog.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replied, "Hell, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."