What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
A creature that stinks to high heaven.
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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?
The first herd shot round the world.
Why don't whales eat sushi very often?
Of course whales like sushi.
It's just those itty-bitty chop sticks that keep getting stuck in their teeth.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.
Why did the rabbit run out of the fast-food restaurant?
He thought he heard someone order a quarter pounder on a toasted bunny.
What's a moo hoo for a tug-of-war between two longhorns?
A bull pull.
Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs.
He was measuring just how far frogs could jump.
So he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!"
The frog jumps 2 feet.
He writes in his lab book: "Frog with 4 legs – jumps 2 feet."
Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment.
"Jump frog jump!" he says.
The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet.
So he writes in his lab book: "Frog with 3 legs – jumps 1.5 feet."
He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot.
He writes in his book: "Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot."
He continues and removes yet another leg.
"Jump frog jump!" and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot.
So he writes in his lab book again: "Frog with one leg – jumps 0.5 feet."
Finally he chops off the last leg.
He puts the frog on the line and teels it to jump.
"Jump frog, jump!"
The frog doesn’t move.
"Jump frog, jump!"
Again the frog stays on the line.
"Come on frog, jump!"
But to no avail.
The biologist finally writes in his book: "Frog with no legs – goes deaf."