How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
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Why did the dinosaur have so few friends?
Because Tyrannosaurus reeks!
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.
On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.
After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff!
I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"What!?" asked the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"
The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Q. How does a frog confuse you?
A. When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield?
It's ass.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin?
Pingu-Pong.
What's the definition of a nervous breakdown?
A chameleon on a tartan rug.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull threw a China shop, the only thing that broke was the bull.
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