How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
Why did the gray whale go on a diet? Because he wasn't a Fin whale.
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter.
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman: - Do you have any bananas? - No,I don't. ( says the barman) - Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey) - No,I have not got any bananas! - Do you have any bananas? - If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter! - Do you have any nails? - No,I don't. - Do you have any bananas?
Q: Why do fish live in to the salt water? A: For the reason that pepper makes them sneeze!
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Q: Why should you never set the turkey next to the desert? A: Because he will gobble, gobble it up!