How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk?
A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
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A city child came running into the farmhouse.
“No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled.
“There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
What do you call a poodle with no legs?
A sponge.
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman's vagina.
In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.
When they got there the doctor said, "The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out."
The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50.
After a long pause, the couple agreed.
The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in.
After a couple of thrusts the husband said, "Hey, what the hell is going on?"
The doctor says, "Change of plans I'm going to drown the bastard."
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead.
Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
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Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
How do you make a rabbit fast?
Don't feed it.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening.
One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?'
The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.'
The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?'
The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'.
All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train."
The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."
How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.