Joke #10580

The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.

The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.

Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.

The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.

Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.

The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.

This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!

James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'

When you have a question you check with Google. When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."

Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.