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Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek" Who wrote it?
Major Bumsore.
Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?
Deja phew.
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse?
A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
Yo Momma is so fat…
That she makes Godzilla look like an action figure.
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him.
He dropped the bucket and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Vote:
A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"