Two skunks were being chased by a bear.
As the bear got closer, one of the skunks said "Whatever shall we do?"
"Let us spray!" replied the other.
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
What do you call a dinosaur with magic powers?
Tyrannosaurus Hex.
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper?
Warren.
Which rabbit was a famous female aviator?
Amelia Harehart.
Why did the indecisive chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side… er, no… to go shopping… no, not that either… damn it!
How do you weigh a whale?
On Whale Weigh Scales.
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''