Joke #1082

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
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Every man thinks he's a dream of every woman. Sorry guys, but the dream of every woman is eating all the time and not to get fat.
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Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
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Women prefer the simple things in life… like men.
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Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
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Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.
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Q: How many men does it take to open a beer? A: None, it better be open when she brings it to you.
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Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
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Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
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How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
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