How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
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How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
A man standing at a urinal notices that he's being watched by a midget.
"Wow," comments the midget. "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and continues to pee.
Suddenly, the midget pulls up a step ladder right next to the urinal and says, "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request, but as they're so admirable, I wonder if I could take a closer look."
Again the man is rather startled, but sees no real harm in it.
Just then, the midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it
What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with, "A man once told me..."
Why are all jokes about women one-liners?
So men can understand them.
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.