How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
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Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
Stupid?
He wanted to be a farmer.
So he studied pharmacy.
How many men would it take to mop a floor?
No one knows; they've never done it.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."