How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
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What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
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Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sex', express an opinion!
Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"
A family went to a nudist camp for their vacation.
The young son came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..."
"Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman."
Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..."
"Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man."
"Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom."
"Why, honey?"
"Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: They already have boyfriends.
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A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem, when the wife suddenly died.
The funeral company told the man that it would cost 45000 to ship her home or $500 to bury her in Jerusalem.
The husband said "ship her home".
Shocked, the undertaker asked "but sir, why don't you bury her in the Holy Land and save the money ?"
The husband replied "a long time ago, a man was buried here and 3 days later, he rose from the dead ... I cant take the chance !"