Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
YOUR MOMS HOUSE IS SO POOR I WENT TO KNOCK ON HER DOOR AND A ROACH TRIPPED ME AND A RAT TOOK MY WALET.
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A centipede? I can’t imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay… I’ll try a centipede.” He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, “Clean the kitchen.” Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and… it’s immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He’s absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, “Go clean the living room.” Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, “This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!” Next he says to the centipede, “Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper.” The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later…no centipede. 20 minutes later… no centipede. 30 minutes later… no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what’s going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later… still no centipede! He can’t imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it…and there’s the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, “Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What’s the matter?!” The centipede says, “I’m goin’! I’m goin’! I’m just puttin’ on my shoes!”
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
Who held the baby octopus to ransom? Squidnappers.
What do you call a poodle with no legs? A sponge.
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. "Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.