Did you hear about the man who named his horse Radish?
Cats are allergic to Chuck Norris.
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee.
If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Yo mama is so hairy, Kingkong got jealous.
What do you call an owl magician? HOOOOOdini.
Two friends were walking through the woods when they thought they heard something. They turned around and saw a big black bear coming towards them. Both men started to run when one of them stopped to change into tennis shoes. The second man said "You don't have time to change shoes. You can't outrun that bear!" The first man said, "I know I can't outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you"!
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid.