There's a faggot between Y and I on your keyboard... look!
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As I stand here, and try to piss,
I think of the gal that gave me this.
If I see her, when I get well,
I'll get it again.
As sure as Hell.
Three desperately ill men go to their docter seeking help.
One is and alcoholic, One is a chain smoker and the other is gay.
The doctor tells the men if you indulge in any of your habits again you will die.
So the three men leave and then the alcoholic sees a bar and hears its loud music and can't resist.
He orders a shot of whisky drinks it and suddenly drops down dead the other two men walk out side realising how serious this is, but then the chain smoker sees a half a ciggarette on the ground still burning so the gay guy says to the chain smoker "if you bend over to pick that up were both dead"
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do.
Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.
The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.”
Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
Chuck Norris grabs Donald Trump by the pussy.
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After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge.
As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed.
Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!"
A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!"
I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus.
When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, Mom, down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question.
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
boy: spell "me"
girl: M-E
boy: but you forgot the D
girl: there's no D in me
boy: not yet ;)
Q: Why did the lumber truck stop?
A: To let the lumber jack off.
China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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