After being shot by a criminal, Chuck Norris said... "that tickles".
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No man can perfectly predict the weather, not even Chuck Norris.
But the weather DOES try to predict what kind of day Chuck would like to have...
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In 1986 the U.S.S.R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris.
The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
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The Statue of Liberty is alive, but Chuck Norris told her not to move.
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Chuck Norris saved 100% on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
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Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.
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Chuck Norris dosn't have a star on Hollywood Blvd he has a constellation.
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Q: Why are there prairies?
A: Because Chuck Norris scared the trees away.
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Lehman Brothers owed Chuck Norris a fiver.
When he asked for payback, well, you know the rest.
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