Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
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What’s the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
There have been sightings of Bigfoot.
There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.
One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.
All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.
The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened."
and poof, her wish was granted.
The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened."
and poof, her wish was granted.
Then the blond said, "I wish my friends were here with me."
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.
" Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb.
A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store.
After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine.
She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button.
Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient.
"Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"
Most men regard blondes as a golden opportunity.
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt.
The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player.
The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler.
Each one of US is blonde.
Think about it, Mister.
Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five f*cking times."
A blonde, who had just dyed her hair, went to the hospital because her whole body hurt.
She told the doctor that where ever she touched herself it would hurt.
The doctor told her to demonstrate.
She touched her nose and it hurt.
She touched her stomach and it hurt.
The doctor asked her if she was a blonde and she said yes.
"Look Here Lady, your finger is broken!"
Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: Sits around a candle
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: Lights it