Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?" The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?" To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?" The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?" The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
Did you hear about the rabbit who got a job in a watch factory? Alike did was stand around making faces.
Question: Why did the Army send do many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? Answer: They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.