Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
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First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like?
Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
In Noah’s ark, on day 3 the animals could no longer hold their sexual desire, so they started having sex with one another.
But Noah got really angry cause the Ark started shaking dangerously and he decided that it was time to put things in order.
So he ordered that every male should get a card stating the name of his wife and the days they were allowed to mate. So they did…
After a couple of days, during breakfast in the Ark’s cafeteria the monkey said to his wife:
"You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey felt really ashamed because all of the animals heard her husband…
The day after, the male monkey said to his wife again: "You’ d better get ready ‘cause next Tuesday you’ll suffer cruelly!"
The female monkey feeling really confused, told Noah what had happened, so Noah called the male monkey in his office and asked for an explanation.
“You kinky monkey! Why do you insist on disgracing your wife in front of all the other animals?” said Noah
“I am not kinky sir”, said the monkey “I’m just warning her because I lost my card at a poker game and now the elephant has it…”
Q: How do you get ten fat cows in your basement?
A: Hold a tupperware party!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it's kangaroo!
Vote:
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end?
It was won by a hare.
A city child came running into the farmhouse.
“No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled.
“There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Did you hear about the horse that has made a dozen films?
He's not a star though, he just does bit parts!
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."