Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.
Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed? She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!" The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5." She answers and says "20". Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2." The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
How do you break a blonde's nose? Place a dildo under a glass table!
A blonde was walking down the street with shower caps on her breasts. A guy asked her, "Hey, what's with the shower caps?" "Shower caps?" she responded, "These are booby condoms!"
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops? A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!
Did you hear about the blonde who sold her car to get some money for petrol?