After football fans in Philadelphia were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, "Everyone should call in and give one word for that game." "What's your word?" the host replied. "Bored out of my mind," said the caller.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a worthless idiot' is it?'' Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your parents."
"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."
What did the cow wear to the football game? A Jersey.
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"? Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.