Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor. The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors. One is a young, healthy athlete. The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’ ‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient. ‘Why?’ asks the doctor. The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?" 2nd Eskimo: "Alaska." 1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
A javelin thrower called Vicky Found the grip of her javelin sticky. When it came to the throw She couldn't let go. Making judging the distance quite tricky.
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Why wasn't Jesus born in Tennessee? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
A man goes to his doctor after losing a lot of weight. "I feel great, but I have a problem, doctor. I was so fat beforehand that my skin has stretched and stayed that long. Is there anything you can give me?" "Hmm, short of plastic surgery, there is only one alternative. Please take off your clothes." The man strips down. The doctor pulls all his skin upwards and ties it in a ball above his head. "But doctor -- now my navel is in the middle of my forehead!" "True," replies the doctor, "and you should see what you have for a collar and tie."