Who was the fastest runner?
Adam.
He was first in the human race.
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Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race.
One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds."
The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record."
So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards?
A: She wanted to gain weight!
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip.
After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe."
But what does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment.
"Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
Fast way to screw up someone's Knock Knock joke...?
"It's open."
Vote:
Life is like a box of chocolates:
A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
Waiter: "I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg."
Customer: "Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card."
How do you caculate the population of Russia?
You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!