Who was the fastest runner?
Adam.
He was first in the human race.
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
"I have the body of an athlete."
"Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
Yo' Mama is so uptight, you need the jaws of life to part her legs.
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
Q: Who hangs out with musicians but isn't a musician?
A: Drummers.
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
Light was heard saying to his son, "Keep practicing and one day you will be faster than the speed of Usain."
Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
A judge asks a defendant to please stand.
"You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."
From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"
"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.
"Quiet!" yelled the judge.
"You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."
"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.
The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"
"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"