Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year. In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards? A: She wanted to gain weight!
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
Two entrepreneurs, Jack and John, decided to start a bungee-jumping business south of the border. They went to Casa del Sol, Mexico, built a huge platform, and opened for business. By noon the first day, they both noticed that while everyone was watching, no one was buying tickets. Jack told John to go up and jump, so everyone could see how much fun it was, and then they would buy tickets and try it. John jumped, almost reached the ground, and sprang back up. Jack saw that his shirt was torn and his hair was mussed. John came down again and sprang back up. This time he had several bruises and his clothes were ripped to shreds. The third time down and back up, and he had several open wounds, a broken arm, and was bruised over most of his body. Jack quickly raised John to the platform and asked him what in the world was going on. John replied, "I’m not sure. Do you know what 'pinata' means?"
Coworker: Can you help me with this project? Me: The short answer is no. Coworker: What's the long answer? Me: Nooooooo.
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
"I have the body of an athlete." "Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."