A javelin thrower called Vicky
Found the grip of her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw
She couldn't let go.
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
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An elderly patient needs a heart transplant and discusses his options with his doctor.
The doctor says, ‘We have three possible donors.
One is a young, healthy athlete.
The second is a middleaged businessman who never drank or smoked, and the third is an attorney who just died after practising law for 30 years.’
‘I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,’ says the patient.
‘Why?’ asks the doctor.
The patient replies, ‘It’s never been used.’
Jack: "What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?"
Jill: "I haven't a clue. What?"
Jack: "Prontosaurus."
Jamaica has named Usain Bolt its Sportsman of the Year.
In related news, the island has also made Michael Phelps an honorary citizen.
Oh, you play racquetball?
You must be extremely athletic.
Roses are red
violets are blue.
My dick has glue
I offer it to you.
If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
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I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your ass.
Why did the bald man take up running?
To get some fresh 'air.
There was a crooked woman,
who ran a crooked mile.
She found a crooked Weiner,
who always made her smile.
She belongs in prison,
for she is just a crook.
And if you don't believe me,
you can read it in her book.
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To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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