Joke #11357

Did you hear about the hopeless athlete? He ran a bath and came in second.

Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."

You're not alone. Sometimes, even Usain Bolt feels like he's running in circles.

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets." Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here." "But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog." The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table. His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says. "A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"

Oh, you play racquetball? You must be extremely athletic.

The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.