Did you hear about the hopeless athlete?
He ran a bath and came in second.
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Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race.
One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds."
The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record."
So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
Jack: "What's the name of the fastest dinosaur at the Olympics?"
Jill: "I haven't a clue. What?"
Jack: "Prontosaurus."
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.
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A javelin thrower called Vicky
Found the grip of her javelin sticky.
When it came to the throw
She couldn't let go.
Making judging the distance quite tricky.
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Johny was stopped by the policeman on the road, the policeman has looked over the whole car and has said to Johny:
"Johny, if you´ll go somebody by your car, the human would probably survive the collision with your car also without your help, but the treatment with the content of your archaic first aid box will survive nobody, there´s no doubt. Did you buy it in the shop B.C.?"
Vote:
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.