How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
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Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
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Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
The doctor gave me one year to live.
So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
And the judge gave me 15 years.
Problem solved.
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner".
And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?"
The man says "I'm probably too honest."
The boss says, "That's not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality."
The man replies, "I don't give a shttp://unijokes.com/admin/h*t what you think!"
There once was two people Lisa and Brian
They got married and had a child.
The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso.
So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body.
So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever.
When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out.
When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out.
After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body.
As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died.
The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!