How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school? A: The "elf"-abet!
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"