How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
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This couple board this jetliner for a trip to New York.
The jetliner gets full of passengers and they are to go but, they notice that there are no attendants or pilots.
The door closes and the jetliner starts taxing down the taxiway towards the runway and starts to take off as they are airborne the intercom says:
Welcome to flight 1313 non stop to New York as you can see there are no attendants and or pilots this aircraft is totally computerized so sit back and enjoy the flight because there is nothing that can go wrong go wrong go wrong go wrong ...
Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.
He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
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How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator?
Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?
A: Why, shortbread of course!
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To never tell a human that
The world is really ruled by cats!
What do you call an elf who tells silly jokes?
A real Christmas Card!
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!