Joke #11585

My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus? A: No one is awake to see either of them.
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How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet.
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Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house? A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
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"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website?" "I can't help it, I'm hooked."
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
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