Joke #11585

My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: new year, technology

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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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has 47.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, new year, technology
When the office printer color started to look a little off the manager called the local repair shop. To the manager's surprise, the clerk said that it would cost $50 but that he might try reading the manual and doing it himself. The manager replied in astonishment, does your boss know that you discourage business that way? "Yes", replied the clerk. It was his idea. We make more on repairs than cleaning printers if the owner tries to do it himself first.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: management, money, office, technology
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, new year
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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has 78.82 % from 1590 votes. More jokes about: new year, prison, racist
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September? A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
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has 72.10 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, new year, sex, time
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
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has 66.46 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: birthday, kids, new year, sex
Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: insulting, technology, ugly, Yo mama
Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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has 80.09 % from 1204 votes. More jokes about: hospital, sex, technology
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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has 76.20 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
I had to get an Xbox controller tattooed on my vagina. So my boyfriend would play with me for a change.
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has 65.29 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: dirty, technology