Joke #11585

My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: new year, technology

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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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has 36.46 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, new year, technology
Black man says to siri: "Take me home" Siri replies: "Taking you the quickest route to jail."
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has 48.67 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: black people, insulting, prison, racist, technology
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man." And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, new year, wife
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, new year
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
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has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, food, husband, new year, women
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
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has 59.93 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, new year
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: blonde, stupid, technology
Chuck Norris once stuck a fork in a toaster and the toaster got electrocuted.
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has 31.45 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, science, technology
Chuck Norris can send you a roundhouse kick by E-Mail.
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has 41.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, technology
Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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has 27.59 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: new year, poems, winter