Joke #11585

My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: new year, technology

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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: geek, IT, new year, technology
Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus? A: No one is awake to see either of them.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: new year, Santa
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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has 80.04 % from 1106 votes. More jokes about: new year, prison, racist
Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: new year, poems, winter
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, new year
If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, technology
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve? A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drunk, new year, time
Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer, geek, IT, technology
A blonde went to the eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don"t sell to blondes." She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?" "Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: blonde, business, customer service, stupid, technology