Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed? A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed." Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.