Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
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Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Q: How do you know when you are stoned?
A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
A traveling salesman rings this doorbell.
10 year old little Johnny opens, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.
The salesman says, "Little boy is your mother home?"
Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, "What do you think?"
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."